Thank you, loyal readers. All of you.

A Klingon answer to loss of honor - Apr. 9, 2002

I love CNN.

And the best thing - the guy actually makes some VALID poins!

Its bad to wake up out of a semi normal night of dreams back into a world that feels like a bad nightmare. I'll probably be late to class, but I need to write this down.

I fell asleep last night wondering if it would be the last night I ever sleep in my bed at home. Things go from bad to worse, and then repeat. Should I leave this place, this familar two rooms I call home, and the safety and security of the control and money of my parents - the question runs through my head a thousand times a second. Could I really get by on the $700 a month I make, paying rent and utilites, gas and groceries? I know I could get by on that ammount not having to pay rent without a problem. But the option of living in the place I could not have to pay rent...how much would that cost me out of the rest of my life? I have an option where I would be paying rent...but again... could I get by?

This is the cliff I am standing at the edge of. If I jump... I can't fly back to the top. And I have no idea if there are sharp rocks or pillows waiting at the bottom. Or if there will even be anything to grab hold of on the way down to stop the fall if I dont like what I see at the bottom so I can climb back up.

Sometimes something half remembered can bring the strongest feeling. This is Hell Night.... but somehow... this came into being in my mind.

Well it's all right, riding around in the breeze
Well it's all right, if you live the life you please
Well it's all right, doing the best you can
Well it's all right, as long as you lend a hand
You can sit around and wait for the phone to ring
Waiting for someone to tell you everything
Sit around and wonder what tomorrow will bring
Maybe a diamond ring
(Chorus 2)
Well it's all right, even if they say you're wrong
Well it's all right, sometimes you gotta be strong
Well it's all right, As long as you got somewhere to lay
Well it's all right, everyday is Judgement Day

Dates of note

Oh yes, and for those of you who want to know why I'm so busy? This is why.

Ok, so as you may have noticed, loyal readers, there has been little or no info on my personal life. Here and now, as an old friend used to say, here and now, we shall get into that.

Monday was very odd for me. I have not been in that sort of mood in a long time, and the severity of it rather upset me. What sort of mood? Well, ever wondered what the thought patterns of a predator are like? I can tell you. It's a very odd thing to regard your fellow man as prey. It's even odder when you start regarding close friends as such. But, as all things go, that passed, and I have calmed down quite a bit thanks to some much missed positive attention.

Go slowly, Strixus, my friends warn me - I am listening, but at the same time I am scared of going too slowly. I'm fighting the guilt and winning, learning how to hold my own again has not been easy. But at the same time, I know my friends worry about me. I worry about me. Obsticle after obsicle - be it in my own attempts at making sence of my life, or in the relationship - have been overcome. But there are still so many more.

I do have to make one small rant here. Help is not easy to get if you arent in danger. Our culture has lost the sence of preventative health matinance. All I can do is push on. But it makes me question how worth the time of these "professionals" I am. And my own self worth is something I have allot of issues with.

Am I the lamb offered as sacrifice, am I the man holding the killing blade, or am I the god to whom the lamb is offered? Or somehow, am I all three?

News Release | National/Panasonic

This is apparently what its all about. God i can do research even with three pints in me. someone kill me now.

.... too much beer.... things in my email scaring me...

HI Ho!

Ok, as many of you know, I took a nice sabatical this weekend. Warm sun is often a good think, even for my geekishly pale complexion. I purposfully cut down on my news intake while I was gone, just to keep the stress level low. However, now that I am back, it is time, my loyal readers, for me to kick it up into high gear.

So what the hell has happend to CNN? Sence when did my home town national news network become the biggest anti-Israel mouthpiece in the western world? Honestly, its to the point I'm fed up with it. Sharon is finally putting his foot down, and I'm damned happy to see it. And before all the anti-war zellots out there start beating at the gates, take a moment to remember these few things:

1) The "occupied territories" are Israeli territory. End of Story. They won them in a war they didn't start, and honestly I don't know why the hell that land wasn't included in the original borders anyway. No matter what Bush wants, no matter what the EU wants, no matter what the Saudis want... its THEIRS.

2) There is absolutly no difference between what Sharon is doing now and what the US was involved in Afganistan with a few months ago - except its on his back step, and killing people DAILY, not just in one fail swoop of 3,000 lives. He is eliminating the most prominent figurehead of a terrorist organization which threatens the safety and security of his people.

To all of those at CNN, the EU, and the rest of the world who do not support Ariel Sharon and Israeli action to suppress future Palestinian terrorism within Israel's legal and legitamate borders: You deny the people of the nation of Israel the very thing you saw shattered on September 11th 2001, and which we fought long and hard to resecure.

Frankly, I'm disgusted. There will be more on this later, after I collect my thoughts and calm down enough to make a coherant sentance again.