Gollum's Song - From LOTR TT sound track

Where once was light, now darkness falls.
Where once was love, love is no more.
Don't say goodbye. Don't say I didn't try.

These tears we cry, Are falling rain
For all the lies you told us, The hurt, the blame.
And we will wait, To be so alone.
We are lost, We can never go home.

So in the end, I'll be what I will be,
No loyal friend, Was ever there for me.
Now we say goodbye, We say you didn't try.

These tears you cry, Have come too late.
Take back the lies, The hurt, the blame.
And you will wake When you face the end alone.
You are lost, You can never go home.

You are lost

"Smeagol...yes, that was our name..."

The Lament of Haldir

Oh Lord of Lorien, Guard of the Lady,
Child of the Vailor, Walker of the Wood.

How long since man and elf
fought the darkness side by side
renew the bonds of this alliance
honnored not since Isildor's breaking

But to the Rohan, arive to save
To sacrifice with elven blood
to save the children and wives
of the men of the Mark

And with immortal eyes
the last sight did see
the bright armor of the elves
stained dark with orcish blood.

Know in your peace of death
the Deep still stands, and Rohan rides
Against the Dark Lord
Loyal again, once more.

Rules for life # 203

Those who made me in the form I have, crafted flesh around the spirit, and gave me what you said I would need.
You are the guardian, those who made me said... and sent me to protect until the time was right.
I drew to me the people I was meant to protect... and I do so as best I can. But some things I cannot protect against, thus there is pain. Why give me empathy to feel pain when I do not have the empathy of the joy and happiness of other times? Why do I feel the hurt of others as if it were my own?
I am the Guardian of Sorrow it would seem.

I remind thee... I was not this before you made me into it. I REMEMBER what I was, and what I will be again when I am done here.

And those around me, beware, when this dream of life ends, when the time of troubles passes, and all is laid back as it should be... I will return to what I was. I miss my lair, I miss my hoard, I miss my HOME.

I will guard the one I love with my life, you who sent me here, but the others... why me? Could not they have their own?

Why was I made to hurt, to care, to worry - when their ills I cannot mend?

How many more people must I watch face the horror of what it means to live as flesh and blood - that those around us of flesh and blood are just as vulnerable to us as we are to them.

I would title this if I could think of something, but I can't. I keep thinking about what i want to write, and it takes precidence over what witty little remark I make. The past, as I have said, is non malable, but the future is changed throug the moment of the present. I watch this moment as it affects others around me, and wonder at much. Two friends of mine I watch with interest, and ponder and worry for them. Both seek something... some escape, some pathos, some redemption, for something they have done to someone else in their lives. Living is pain, and we cannot pass through life without hurting those we love. If you do not love without pain, then you do not love at all. The thorns of the heart rend the flesh, but oh the blood of their wounds is the sweetest nectar of life. You must be strong. You must learn. We live as we are, we will cause pain, we will cause joy, we will cause suffering, we will cause happieness. It is the nature of being human.

The past is done. Those we have hurt we have hurt. What we have done we cannot undo no matter what pain we suffer ourselves to undo it. You must confront your demons, not sacrifice yourself to them. And though it may tear your soul appart, the confrontation will be the begining of the remaking of your soul and heart. The breaking is the begining of the new.

And still.. how I wish I could take away their pain, and not have them learn the lessons they will soon. I learned... oh how I have learned. My soul broken and remade so many times now I feel as an amalgam of me instead of an I. I would take their pain, I would suffer it for them, if I could keep it from them. I wish not for any to suffer who should not. And no one deserves this. No one deserves this pain. .

The Oubliette Lives!
yes, I fixed it.... had to completely remake it... but it LIVES.

What Do You Want From Me?
As you look around this room tonight
Settle in your seat and dim the lights
Do you want my blood, do you want my tears
What do you want
What do you want from me
Should I sing until I can't sing any more
Play these strings until my fingers are raw
You're so hard to please
What do you want from me

Semester is over. I made a D in Java. A C in CIS3300, no idea what else in the others. Semester ends dismally.
Insert reality check speach from father. Insert overwhelming feelings of worthlessness and self loathing.

Do you think I know something you don't know
What do you want from me
If I don't promise you the answers would you go
What do you want from me
Should I stand out in the rain
Do you want me to make a daisy chain for you
I'm not the one you need
What do you want from me

Replace these with a numbness, an empty lack of care. Concern and fear. Why don't I care?
Once i would have laid open my gut at a D in dishonnor. Now... it has happend, it has passed, it is done with. I move on with myself. No ammount of pain I inflict upon myself will change what has passed and what has transpired. I learned that lesson.

You can have anything you want
You can drift, you can dream, even walk on water
Anything you want

Now all I can do is accept it, and do what ever I can next semester to not repeat it.

You can own everything you see
Sell your soul for complete control
Is that really what you need

I will not let my self worth be judged by my academic standing. There is more to me than my grades. I am not just my gpa. I am more. I am more.

You can lose yourself this night
See inside there is nothing to hide
Turn and face the light

So I close my eyes on this last night, waiting for the rest of my grades, but not caring. I wait for January more. It will be fresh, new, something I can change and influence. The past is fixed.

What do you want from me

The future is malable through the moment of now.