OokamiRyuu the Disturber of All Things Neat & Tidy...

There are many fun things here

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: High Maintenance

You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people's time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that's why they're plotting to kill you.

Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars

I've had, for a long time now, a theory that each human being can be characterized by two pollar points - their Deadly Sin and their Cardinal Virtue. Each of us has one of each that we personify, that we are most subject to and influenced by.
I know mine very well. My Sin is Anger, my Virtue is Faith.
Usually, I have faith that the universe is as it should be, that all is well, that things will be as they are for their own reasons, and on this faith I accept the world, and live in it as I must. But sometimes, when something truely painful happens, I am overwhelmed by Anger, filled with it, and it overrides that Faith which has preserved me where others have fallen into dispair.
It is usually in matters of my own self worth that this is the case.
My ego is both very inflated and highly fraggile. I know this to be far too true. I search constantly for complements, for praise, for validation that I am worth something, that I am better than I see myself as being. Yet when I am critizised, directly or indirectly, it confirms for me what I fear, what I wish to deny more than anything, and the Wrath overtakes me, directed outwards at those who have hurt me. And then inwards at myself for my own reactions.
I know of few others who fall prey to Anger as I do, and few who have such open Faith as I do. I am, perhaps, extremes on the scale of both of these. Most people are beset by Pride or Envy, and offset it with Kindness, or Zeal, or even Self Control.
We are all beasts of the flesh, both good and evil in our ways.

I stood with two options, two different voices speaking to me, both of which I trust, and knew I had to make the decision I did not want to have to ever make. On the one hand, my loyalty and dedication seemed to have been rewarded with nothing. Perhaps it was time, the voice said, that I should bow out gracefully, and allow the new guard to take over my watch. New bloods, new ideas, new enthusiasm, all were better in the long run than my continued presence in the position. And I, as a member of the old guard, stuck solid in my ways, would only get in the way. On the other, a voice told me I was needed, still respected, and still welcomed in this place I have loved so much for so long. That there was a place of importance for me, where I would be able to work for the organization I loved, and still hold the same amount of respect I had before, but without the obligations attached to the position.
So the question was simple. Do I cut myself away from everything, because I have been denied something I felt was mine, loosing all the people I know and love working with at the organization because I feel I have lost the respect I had in my position. Or, do I swallow my pride, deny the shame I feel inside, and stay with these people, with this organization, that I hold so dear, no matter that I may grow bitter and resentful of my loss?
So I've made my choice.
I need to grow as a person, I need to focus on a lesson I have yet to master. And so, I stay with the organization which has been my suffering and my joy for three years, though my reward for loyalty was to be put aside in favor of someone new. But I will stay, and I will work, and I will do what I can. And while it is maybe not the most Ideal choice, it will be the best to help me grow in a way I need to. I can only hope my own weaknesses do not get in my way.

But I have also decided that I am going to spend more time working on my own site. Strixus.net has become very stagnant, and deserves more content, and more life. I need to find a purpose for it, other than this blog, and make it live as it should.

[edited for explination - i didnt feel I was clear enough before on why I did what i did - maybe now people will understand.]

Loyalty's only reward is pain.

Sometimes, pain is necissary. You simply have to know when it is and when it isn't.

Which OS are You?

Take the World of Darkness Quiz
by David J Rust
Vampire Score: 0 WereWolf Score: 13 Mage Score: 10 Wraith Score: 4 Changeling Score: 0

After everything I just talked about - now this.
The universe either loves me or hates me - it doesn't matter, because I understand it now.

Once again, I have walked without hesitation over the edge of the cliff I cannot see beyond. The cliff is the moment of descision, a moment beyond my control, where I place my fate in the hands of some other, and with faith I pray that the universe will resolve it’s self into the form it was meant to take on. But that form may be the form I least desire, may be the form most harmful to me; but it will be, no matter what, the form the universe should take. And though I may not like it, it is as it was meant to be, and I must thus accept it, for there is no power of man nor god which can change the shape of the universe once it has happend. The past can never be changed, and we as products of our individual pasts can only change as our past lengthens and our future shortens.
The shape of the universe is something great and terrible; it is more horrifying and mind numbing than anything Lovecraft could have imagined, yet more beautiful and perfect than any fractal or flower. How we as simple mortal beings come to terms with this is a puzzle beyond reconing. Yet some of us do, and even a few of us begin to understand the glorious and horrible symitry of existence. And with that understanding comes the willingness to have faith, to walk off the cliff we cannot see beyond, and know that the outcome, no matter what it is, is what is meant to be. Because, sometimes, the universe means for us not to fall, and gives us wings to fly with. And when we fall, we know we fall because we were not meant to fly, and smile as the rocks below rise up to greet us.
This is the way of choise.

Fun With Measurements

For Wine:
1 butt == 2 hogsheads
1 hogshead == 2 barrels
1 barrel = 31.5 gallons

homestead : a historic unit of area in the United States, equal to 160 acres (64.75 hectares)

hundredweight (Cwt): a traditional unit of weight equal to 1/20 ton

Yep, way too much fun. Brought to you by How Many? A Dictionary of Units of Measurement

«Quell'anima là sù c'ha maggior pena»,
disse 'l maestro, «è Giuda Scariotto,
che 'l capo ha dentro e fuor le gambe mena.

De li altri due c'hanno il capo di sotto,
quel che pende dal nero ceffo è Bruto:
vedi come si storce, e non fa motto!;

e l'altro è Cassio che par sì membruto.


-Canto XXXIV: Lines 61-67,

Point and Counterpoint

"It is the natural order of the world that student succeeds master, and that a master gives way for the final advancement of their student." His eyes were calm, rational thought flowing behind them. "It is the final act of teaching, the unspoken lesson, where the master passes on to the student the one thing which must be learned, but can never be taught in any form but application. The student must become the master, and this can only happen when the master is displaced. But there are many ways to displace one's master, and this is the true point of the lesson you have taught me," he laughed. "The unsucsessful student simply waits for the master to pass on, taking no action to become a master until forced to. This student, while not a failure, may as well be one, for they have not learned the true lesson of mastery - control.
"So what then, does the successful student do? It is really, quite simple." Another laugh, a smile, and he continued. "Wait for a moment of weakness, and then strike. That is the lesson. Using public weakness is, perhaps, the most gratifing method, but not the most sure. When the master finds disfavor with their Lord, or the Lord finds disfavor with his people, use that disfavor against the master. Control the situation - use the weakness of the master to displace them. This, however, has the most chance of turning to bite the hand of the student, for the viper of public opinion is quick to change its target.
"So, private weakness is the best played upon. A moment when the armor is lowered, when the guard is let down - that is the moment that the student must wait for.
"Remember, it is not betrayal; it is the natural order of progression."