Happy Dia de los Muertos!!

Oddfellows and the odd skeleton.

Chased home by music last night. Visting Erik, and then driving home. Songs, reminding me of all the things I need to do in my life. And then, being reminded of the one thing that is waiting for me. Things will be alright. Seven months. Thats all I have to make it though.

No dreams last night. Klonopin, benydril, and already being tired - I was out cold by 2:00am. Woke at 10:20, just before my alarm went off, called Erik to make sure he was awake and alright, then busled off to school.

And here I am.

.... holy shit...



*hides under table*
These images from SOHO. Updating live.

What im showing you is the flare that Blinded SOHO.

Btw - for scale - in the C3 (Blue) image, that white dot that moves into view is Mercury. The planet Mercury.

Eating lunch. Tomato Basil soup is heaven.

Some of the most beautiful images I have ever seen can be found here, in the gallery of Images from Science, a photographic display of scientific images in various mediums. Some are deeply moving, while others are highly revealing. All of them are simply wonderful expressions of what science gives humanity.
There is so much beauty in the world, if only we open our eyes to it and see. Science has always revealed this beauty in a way that no other mechanism could - with the awe and wonder of a child looking at the stars, and the deep curiosity of that same child, always questioning the nature of existence, reality, and the world. I don't really understand how anyone, having seen these images, could ever have a bad view of science ever again.

You are the Spanish Inquisition sketch! Nobody
expects you!


Which Monty Python's Flying Circus Sketch are You?
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So yeah... um yeah.
Slept like a stone last night, went to sleep way early (read as, before 1 am), and didnt wake all the way up until 10:30. I say all the way up, as I woke up several times between 8 and 10, but didnt make it totally into a conscious state. Feeling pretty good today, better than yesterday, for sure. Already feeling more normal.

Today, I have a latin exam. I need to prep my note card for it (yay notecards!) and then do some study study. All of this, while at work, and other stuff. Other stuff I need to be doing, but that will have to wait.

I still have crud under my nails from yesterday's missadventures with automechanics. I think I'm going to go insane for trying to get them clean. Obsessive compulsive, who, me?

what do they really think of you by purple
lj name
sex
age
your best friend thinks	You're hiding the bodies
your family think	you sing like an angel
strangers think	you'd look good naked
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Are you a God? by Demonac
Name:
God/Goddess type:	God of Lazyness
Worshippers:	Monks (think 36 year old virgins)
They show devotion by:	Protesting against local by-laws
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

I don't know why I was looking forward to today. Its been sureal.

After everything that happened this morning of which you have read, then I picked up my mother from the airport, and she went off to work. Then, I started to head to school. My car - was dead. Battery had eaten its self over the weekend, so I was left to try to jump start my car off of an MGBGT - a very small british car with the electrical strength of the static charge off a gerbil.
So yeah. That sucked.
First class, boring, tired, trying to stay awake, and figgure out why people who are put off by bones are in a forensics class. Then lunch. Was ok. But realized I'm feeling off.
Now, Plato, waiting, being good by being here. Dreading finance - I'm tired.

More about the Texas case. Babies were in the same bag, individually wrapped within it. Found in a crawl space between floors. No missing children reported. Was probably someone hiding something.

Signing up for classes currently. Waiting for Honors dept staff to get in, so I can get registered for my last two classes. Patiently waiting, as that I already have everything I need to graduate except for one corse, and there are more than enough sections if I don't get into the honors section. Kinda peived that I woln't be taking any physical anthro except for an Intro to Archeology class. Pondering trying to talk a prof into teaching a directed readings or something like that.
Waiting, waiting, watching the clock.
Today is going to be a long day, but its Ok. Looking forward to it, still. Awake, wonderfully awake, dispite a lack of sleep. Woke on my own at 8:45, well before I needed to be awake for corse reistration at 9:00. Now, nearly an hour later, I am sitting in bed, light on, feeling warm and happy with reality.
My last time registering for courses at GSU. It's over. It's finally over.

Update: Got the class I wanted. Happy. Have to wait till tomorrow to register for it, but other than that, All is well. Now, I can think about breakfast.

Drove home, in the wet, with the radio blasting trance, the sunroof of the car open, howling to a moon hidden by the low clouds which burned with light from the ground.

A wonderful weekend.

Now, I await tomorrow, with some strange eagerness.

Howl, brothers and sisters, for the Blood Moon is comming.

Awake Alert Alive, I feel rejuvinated. It was a good night, and I slept well. But, that's not what I'm blogging.

THIS is.

Infant Bodies Discovered in Texas Attic

I'm looking into this with that same ghoulish eagerness that I feel when looking at a new case file for the first time. Who will they be, what is the story.... I want to know just how those three little boddies ended up in that attic. "One baby was wrapped in a towel, one baby was in a blanket, and the baby we originally found was wrapped in a sheet inside a paper sack" - how, why, who, when? So many questions wait to be answered by those three parchment dry forms.

And so I wait. And read. And wonder.

A night of gained time...

We only get so much time to live. Yet sureally, tonight, we gain an hour which we lost earlier in the year, given back time which was taken from us before. Inadvertently, I planned tonight to be my weekend drunk, yet I could not have picked a better time for it.

Went and saw Kill Bill tonight. Was Good. Very good. Some physics problems, with the sword fights, but not nearly as many as I expected. A single hand swing, even from a draw, will not totally decapitate a man - especially if you are a tiny Chinese-American woman. Also, no matter how you do it, I don't know of a way to pull a sword out of someone's hand with a chain Without spikes. That's what the curved blade is for ... things slide off. Yakuza are not nearly that sloppy, either, but hey. I'll cut them slack for being young, but still... that was sloppy sword play.

I loved the music. I want the music.

So, I just opened a bottle of Piniot Noir. Bitter wonderful deep red wine, so smooth and deep. I splurged for a nearly 20$ bottle, and I love it. Sipping, quietly, dreaming of regained time.

Sleep? Wtf is that? Lets see... I went to bed about midnight, got to sleep about 2:00am or so. I woke up around 6ish... thats five hours sleep.
But DAMN it doesnt feel like it. I've got a really long ass day ahead of me, mesuring bones over at Athens, and then transporting my mother to the airport, then most likely going back to sleep for the night.
Sleep.... oy. No dreams, only the inside of my eyelids.

So. I finally have a Live Journal account. But no worries, dear readers, I will not abandon this site in favor of that - it is merely so I am now able to access the hidden and what not areas of my various friend's Lj's.
So. For all of you for with LiveJournals, I'm Here, dear old strixus. So add me to your friends list, and I will do the same.

Also... in other news... GOD IS PISSED. Imay be an agnostic, but I'll be damned if I'd ignore that sort of thing for very long.

Ghoulish Hobbies

So over the last 24 hours or so, I've taken to putting my skills with Google to a semi useful purpose, and trying to solve the mystery of one of my professors. It's quite interesting what you can and cannot find about people on the internet, especially if they are an academic. With some simple file digging, I managed to trace this person across thee continents, four universities, and about seven years of their life.
With a little help from things mentioned in relation to current events, I managed to get a fix on their undergraduate work, adding another university to the list, and 4 more years accounted for, along with the majority of their childhood by making some assumptions based on those timelines of events. The only problem is, there is a gap in the records which spans nearly 7 years, and it troubles me.
I've found that I am dangerously good at this sort of thing, this pattern tracking of people through the internet, and I see that as only lending credence to my previous beleifs in my talents at pattern recognition. The only problem is, once I start on a hunt, it becomes almost an obsession. I almost feel as though I'm stalking the person, to the point almost of digging through their underware drawer in terms of privacy violation.
But the data is there...
I'm not Doing anything with the data, other than satisfying my own curiosity, but is what I am doing ethical and moral? I have yet to come to grips with this question. What I am doing is no different in method than data mining for a person's history, done often by creditors and employers, but my use for the data is entirely different. Nothing I am going to do with the data will affect my impressions of this person, nor in any way influence my opinions or treatment of them, and certianly I see no way that I could use any of this information to harm this person. It is simply a list of dates and locations, publications and teaching schedules, degrees and assignments, not anything truely secretive and sensitive.
But if it is wrong to gather this data for one use, shouldn't it be wrong to gather it for any use? I'm not sure. Intent weighs allot with my moral and ethical judgements, as do consequences, and while this may make my rules less hard set, I think it gets more at the nature of how human beings actually make moral decisions.
But the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and hell its self is built on them - are intent and result really a good basis for ethical choise? I simply cannot put down my foot one way or another on this question. Something inside of me wants to say that there ARE moral and ethical rules that are hard and fast, no matter the situation, intent, or result; almost to a Kantian degree I want a set of universal ethics that I can work and live by as a framework for the rest of my moral and ethical choises.
To do harm to someone is wrong...harm both physical and mental - but I cannot help but put stipulations on that. If the harm outweighs the good, then it should not be done - but what if the good outweighs the harm? And how can you tell? Over what scale? Moments, hours, days, years, decades, lifetimes? Answers to these the utilitarian in me cannot find, and it is perhaps the most lacking thing in my ethics at the moment. Intent makes this all the more complicated - what if you intend good, but harm comes of that intent, as it so often does? I am tempted to answer this as such: That if you intend good, but do harm, what you have done is still harmful, and thus, still wrong. But if you intend wrong, and do good, the negative intent cancles out the goodness of your actions, for it was not your intent to do good by doing what you thought was wrong, but the good outcomes lessen the wrongness of your intent. This may be flawed, but it seems to work at least in part.
There is so much I still need to work out in my own ethical theories. But I know it is there, and I can find it. It is simply going to take logic, and allot of hard thought.

The Emasculization of the Word Fuck

A rare treat today, on this very good day, a wonderful, pleasurable way to end the day: local public radio is playing the full recording of Verdi's Requiem Mass, un cut, and it fills me with so many feelings I have no words for.

Dies irae, dies illa
solvet saeclum in favilla
teste David cum Sybilla
Dies irae, dies illa...

My feet do hurt, and my soles (pun intended) are tired from walking. I picked up equipment for friday for mesuring bones, carried them across campus, walked back across campus, etc. But yet, somehow, dispite the pain in my feet, it was a good day...

Quantus tremor est futurus,
quando Judex est venturus
cuncta stricte discussurus.

Fun with the trauma and disease lab in Anthro today. Seeing familar bones, explaining to people what was happening, knowing some of the specimens from past semesters by sight. It was wonderful. I love that lab. Then Plato - I'm very glad Erik talked me into going - we got into an argument over invisibility as a valuable super power for doing good. Much localized evil, yes, but there is little good that just invisibility can do. However, to quote a later conversation - "Does a rocket launcher count as a super power, if its invisible too?" The point being, that if we were invisible at will, we would do things we wanted to but didnt do because we would get caught - sleeping with the king's wife ("Wouldn't she notice?") for example - as a proof against the idea that people do moral things for their own good. And then Marketing, where we talked the prof into an open book quiz, and into skipping one of the chapters so we could go home early. She likes going home early.

Tuba mirum spargens sonum
per sepulchra regionum,
coget omnes ante thronum

My mother bought me another Prattchet book I didnt have, and a new Lovecraft collection. I love Lovecraft, and though I've read everything he ever wrote, I am always eager to see a new collection, and what it has to offer to his work in terms of aragement and comentary. Needless to say, my favorite collection of Lovecraft I own is an annotated edition of several works including "At the Mountains of Madness" - my second favorite Lovecraft story. Want to know my favorite? I'm not telling.

Mors stupebit et natura,
cum resurget creatura,
judicanti responsura.

Death has struck, and all nature is quaking - but as they so often forget, death is Nature's ultimate ending for us all.

Mona Lisa Overdrive

Another day, another moment of time passes. "I hate killing time" "Think of it as revenge, time is killing you." Been working on Nightmare alot, with the new layout and all, and adding in some of my original (read: non fan based) stories.

Strange dreams last night:

I'm in a book store, a huge, warehouse sized bookstore, during a huge sale. I am trying to find books I want but could never afford before, digging through the Sci-Fi/Fantasy secton. I find two books I want, then go for the hard back gaming books. They are stacked in three stacks, beautiful hard bound coffin like books. But they are all bound backwards, spines on the left right side, not the left. Digging through the stacks, I find several of the books I want.
One has on its cover a flesh gollum, with a face in its stomach, and a blank head with a mouth, with the title "The Power of Control" another has the comedy and tragety mask, with the title "The Art of the Hidden", and a myriad of others, some with magical animals on the covers, some with symbols. But the one I'm looking for isnt there, the one that in my mind I keep saying is the clan Venture game book (too much vampire stuff in my head I think), and without it, all the others are useless. I keep stacking and restacking the books, going through the stacks, and each time they are different, but the book I want is never there.
And then I look at the two books I had set aside, and realize that I already have them, at home, and that all of this has been a waste of time.

I wake.

Which deadly sin do you represent? (Angel Sanctuary Pics)
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Call of Night by donaldson
Username
Favorite Color
Your Blessing (powers)	Detect Monsters
Your Organization	The Foundation - Mercenary. Monster hunting is a lucrative business.
Weapon of Choice	Punch Daggers
Monsters Slain	15
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Under The Sky So Black

Last episode, of Trigun. Drove home from Erik's place, had the Jag today, in place of my car thanks to emissions testing. Driving home, down 85, feeling the night around me.

There is a micron of difference between sixty-five and eighty-five the slight increase in the hum of the air. Switch the radio on, find something with a running beat, doesn't matter what it is. At ninty, there is a feeling of weightlessness, the air sucked out from around the shell of a car, now I am floating, feeling the scream of the air running through the lines of the frame. Ninty-five comes without effort, a car running beside me at speed, and I look over. He pulls forward, I do the same.

Swing through a lane as I take the turn at Clairmont, back off the accelerator, back down to eighty, then seventy. Traffic catches the other car, and I pass him, as he exists one before me. A wave, a thumbs up. A fun run.

Night, Speed, Chase, Dream.

Going through some old things, and found the Grady Litterary Mag from 1998... I had two poems published in it, one of which, when I read, reminded me of something I need to remember.

Poems Are Made By Fools Like Me

Poems are made by fools like me,
Who still gape with wonder at the stars,
Who love with blind hope and no expectations,
Who dream of worlds that never were,
And still hope that somehow they might be real.

Poems are made by fools like me,
Who still ignore the evil that we see,
Who long for the tough of warm summer sunlight,
Who dream of grass wet with cool morning dew,
And who never know just quite when
The poem really ends.

I hope, deep inside I still have that little fool inside of me, who dreams and hopes and loves so purely. I must remember to always keep her with me, close to my heart, and to keep that foolishness alive inside.

Are you sure about this?
I am.
Wow, this is pretty heavy.
Yeah, it is. Of course it is. Thats because its filled with mercy.

Hmmm... interesting. Thanks to K for quizes.

What Irrational Number Are You?

You are e Of all the irrational numbers, you are the most intense. By nature you are powerful, although sometimes you can spiral out of control. You are good with money; the interest seems to just compound whenever you are near. When someone uses the word "exponential" they are probably talking about you. In some ways you and φ are a nearly perfect match. Not to mention how attractive φ is. But then, there is the remarkable π... Your lucky number is approximately 2.71828183

Shiny Lemur Straif's Blog

---

You are the Panic disorder rock! *shake!*


::Which rock personality disorder (from the Zoloft commercial) should you have? (Results contain pictures!)
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Weekend over.

Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for awhile
Tell me of a story never ever told in the past

Games past. Friends seen, welcomed, other friends meeting friends, circles overlaping even more, then said goodbye to, returned to online world.

the sun is in your eyes
the sun is in your ears
I hope you see the sun
someday in the darkness

I did miserably on the GRE. Going to spend this week working on letters of recomendation, trying to put things out of my mind. Moving on. Determination.

Fanatics find their heaven in never ending storming wind
Auguries of destruction be a lullaby for rebirth

Was amazingly domestic over the weekend. Made dinner, made lunches, took care of tired Erik. Made me wish for when I live with him even more. Started mentally redecorating the basement, wondering what I could do to both darken and lighten the room at once. Shoji screens are going to be a must, as will be sitting cushions for the table.

can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?
we just keep dreaming of the land 'cross the river

So many things are in suspension at the moment. Courses for next semester, I sign up on the 27th. The GRE again, in December. Grad school aplications looming, needing filling out, letters requested, transcripts sent. Waiting, biding my time till I graduate, till I can take that next step. Pondering the future in moments of the present, where each one influences the next.

high and loud, the sound of your bell of the twilight...ringing..
all alone, it rings and echoes in the twilight

Holding my breath, take that next step, and know afterwards weather I have stepped off the edge into the abyss or onto the golden path.

lyrics from: Key of the Twilight, In the land of twilight, under the moon, To Nowhere, all from .hack\\Sign

.... GAH....
GRE tomorrow, at noon, in some god forsaken part of town I have never been to. Games, Saturday, all day, at Stone Mountian. Monday, three good sized essays as my midterm for Plato due by 5:30. Between all this, must stay sane, not kill anyone, do well on the GRE, spend time with Erik, and on the whole not go nuts.
Oh yes, and my left hand hurts thanks to the cold front moving in. OW. it hurts to type, and i have to type two essays tomorrow, in addition to all the typing I've done tonight for the midterm. ow ow ow.

Expect no updates over the weekend. Monday, soonest.

Mmm. I'm almost starting to like waking up earlier than noon.
I got up at 9:30, after waking up at 9, spent the next hour or so getting dressed, brushing hair and teeth and what not, being generally slow and lazy about everything, but thurow. Then I went out, went to Stapples, bought an electric tea kettle along with some other stuff, and then came to Rampway.
I spent 30 minutes stringing cable through the cealing, finding all sorts of nifty stuff, from a hard hat to an air grate, all just randomly left above our hanging cealing. Lovely. But I now have a net connection that isnt in everyones way, and wolnt get tripped on.
The only problem with having woken up early is that I am now hungry, even though I dont usually eat until 4ish. So, I'm making tea, and hopefully that will qell the beast of hunger.
I'm finding I'm now spending allot of time wondering what to do, and kinda just sitting boredly. Idle minds and hands, as they say, are the devil's playthings. I suppose I will find something to do.

Tired tired. As I said, I went to sleep fairly early last night, about 1:30ish or so. But for some reason, I slept until 11. You can do the math. Yes, thats 9 and a half hours. Problem is, I didnt sleep all of that time. At about 2:30 something woke me up, and I went back to sleep shortly after (maybe 20 minutes awake total) and then at 7:00, again something wakes me, I get up, get something to drink, drink it, and go back to bed (maybe 35-40 minutes awake). So, I really did manage about 8 hours of sleep, it was just highly interupted. Yet still, I am tired.
I'm hopefully going to get to sleep much earlier tonight. I'm aiming for going to bed at about 11, and being asleep before midnight. I probably wolnt be, but it will be worth a shot. Sad really, that all I can think about is going back to sleep even though I've only been awake for barely 3 hours. Fortunately, food soon, so that will help a bit. What is not helping is how bloody cold my office is. *sighs*
Oh yes, I didn't mention this yesterday, but I should. My beloved just started his new job at CompUSA yesterday, and is now working a full time 9-5 shift. That is why I am trying to move my hours around, so I am awake at the same time he is. Its lonely not being able to talk to him as much as usual, but I'm glad he got the job. Very glad. And I know he will do well at it.
Now, if I can just stay awake....

Peter Gabriel - [The Nest That Sailed The Sky] So now I head off to bed. Early, but later than last night. I am trying for an earlier schedule, but I ended up sleeping far too much last night. I've been working on my web site, starting a design from scratch once again. Hopefully this time it will be better off than the previous one in terms of flexability.
Peter Gabriel - [The Tower That Ate People] Nature has an odd sense of humor. It had just started to get cold, and now its warm again. What happend to fall? Who knows. More tomorrow, or more correctly later today. I sleep now.

The first autopsy in the New World is performed in 1533 on a pair of conjoined twin sisters in Santo Domingo. According to the book, Twins: Nature's Amazing Mystery, it is conducted at the request of a priest who had baptized both children but wished to determine as to whether one or two souls were involved.

Sometimes... I love the church.

---

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
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Looking backwards

So I read back over my last two posts, and realized just how incoherant they are. Anyone who reads them would probably think I'm a raving mad man - and while I may be raving, or mad... I am not ever both at once, at least I attempt not to be. I have simply been going through some emotional garbage, filtering it out, and cleaning up after it.
So where does this leave me? Simple. Today, in 1997, I was in SC, where I met someone who changed my life. My beloved, six years you have waited for me - soon that wait will be over, and those things which have stood between us will fall like the walls of an abandoned city. I love you, and I am yours.

I wish I were close
To you as the wet skirt of
A salt girl to her body.
I think of you always.
-- Yamabe no Akahito (8th C)

A meditation on lyrics, a flame, and the pain of my knees from sitting too long in one place. These are thoughts, shaped, reshaped, and then refined into these shapes we call words, the shapes of meaning made of letters which are sounds.

Drawn across the plainland
To the place that is higher

Its calling me. Those dreams....the noise....the hunger. My nerves are dull, slow, dimwitted compared to how they should be. My brain lacks fire, that fire which should burn though me, purify me, and wash away all that is unclean. Cleansing, purifying - Fire.

Smash the radio
No outside voices here

I want them to stop. Those things in passing I hear, or think I hear, or know I hear. Those whispered voices, and worse, those who no longer bother to whisper. I want them to stop. No more voices.

Drawn into the circle
That dances round the fire

That circle is not for me. I am not of the Circle. Yet I always find a circle... drawn into one after another, always to find myself leaving it. I drift from one to another, sometimes back, sometimes forth, always drawn to the circles formed around someone I know, entering that circle, and then leaving it again. I am not of the Circle. That circle is not for me.

Smash the watch
Cannot tear the day to shreds

Time ticks. Tick tick tick. A blood sucking creature, parasidic, sucking away our life, second by second. Seconds, Minutes, Hours, Days, Weeks, Months, Years, Decades, Centuries, Millineums, Eons, Epocs, Eternities. Divide time, but always into larger and larger chunks, passing by faster and faster, until the smaller divisions are gone, a blur of movement and life.

We spit into out hands
And breathe across the palms

Promises. Bonds. Oaths. Pacts. Solem, sworn, spoken, unspoken, blood, revenge, death, life, love. Chains - things which hold us - bonds - promises. Hold us to one another, from one another, against one another, for one another. Tie these things together, so that we may tear down everything else. If we promise, we promise, and nothing else holds. Promises sworn in blood are one thing, but those sworn in the soul are the most binding. Love is a promise sworn in blood, tears, semen, sweat, saliva, all those most base bodily fluids - but at its core, before all else, it is sworn in the soul. Love, Friendship, Honnor. Break one, and you break them all.

Smash the camera
Cannot steal away the spirits

No more pictures, no more physicalities. If we cannot see ourselves, do we exist? If there is no sensation of body, do we have one? Even from this seat within our skulls, we see ourselves, nose first, into the world around us. We are born head first into the world for a reason: the first thing we see of the outside world is blinding light. The last thing we see is blinding darkness. Negatives of reality, exposed onto the flesh of our brains, and developed in the chemicals of our existence.

Raising them up high
Held open to the sun

Rise, sun, moon, stars, planets. Set, sun, moon, stars, planets. Human lives, mesured out by their rhythms, known and unknown. Even the rhythm of our hearts, it measures out our lives, beat by beat by beat. When it stops, our souls are lost without that familar ticking of life's unstoppable clock, and wander alone until they find it again.


and in this place, can you reassure me
with a touch, a smile – while the cradle’s burning
all the while the world is turning to noise
oh the more that it’s surrounding us
the more that it destroys
turn up the signal
wipe out the noise

send out the signals deep and loud

lyrics from Peter Gabriel, Rhythm of the Heat, and Signal to Noise

I have been reminded of words I have read often, spoken often, yet as equally often I forget them, and fail to live by them as I should.

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.

To not follow the call of love... it is the worst regret we can have. Those who have loved from afar, only to lose what they love to someone else more bold, and those who lose what they love for fear of the hard ways of love, they know the ultimate pain of life: to love, and to not know if they were loved in return or not. There is no curse worse than unknowing.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions
may wound you.

Love Hurts, so say the sages, and it is true. The very nature of love is an intense emotion to the point of pain. Love is fire, Love is ice - both burn yet we are drawn to their beauty. Thus is love. We are drawn to it, yet fear its pain. We should not fear it, for that pain only serves to make the emotion stronger. A fire feeds on its self.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

If you love, you will know it. Love never speaks falsely, though it can be fickel as any woman, as tenuous as fortune, waxing and waining as the moon. But even breif love is Love. And even if love is not what you think you want, Love is what is right for you. Follow it, believe its voice, no matter what the pain is it may bring, or the strife it may cause.

For even as love crowns you so shall he
crucify you. Even as he is for your growth
so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and
caresses your tenderest branches that quiver
in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and
shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Love forces you to cast aside all else that is not needed, and in that, we grow from love more than any other experience of the human condition. Just as a tree must be pruned of sick limbs to grow healthy, so must we shead those things which burden us in the face of love. Even those things we hold as most dear: family, friends, home, heart - all must fall to the wayside for us to follow Love.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto
himself.

FOR WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?
-- Death appeals to Azrael (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)

He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred
fire, that you may become sacred bread for
God's sacred feast.

Change, be changed, for Change is Life, and without Change we Die. Love is the forging of our souls into something better, more pure, more beautiful, the crafting of our flesh into something beyond flesh, into the vessle which holds this most violent and burning emotion.

All these things shall love do unto you
that you may know the secrets of your
heart, and in that knowledge become a
fragment of Life's heart.

-- Khalil Gibran "The Prophet: On Love"

Neuromancer Movie Soundtrack

Intro Credits
1. Peter Gabriel - The Tower That Ate People (4:49)
(first 1:25, followed by last two verses and ending)

Chiba City Blues
2. Juno Reactor - Solaris (8:58)
3. Battery - Pity (5:27)
4. Aphex Twin - 11.mp311.mp3 (3:01)

The Shopping Expidition
5. Battery - Sirens (5:23)
6. Peter Gabriel - White Ashes (2:34)
7. Snake River Conspiracy - Lovesong (3:55)
8. Battery - Motherboard Flatline (3:09)

Midnight on the Rue De Jules Verne
9. Peter Gabriel - The Nest That Sailed The Sky (4:55)
10. Son of Rust - Just Like Me (3:34)
11. Pachabel - Pachelbel Canon (4:26)
12. Blue Man Group - Shadows (2:06)
13. Son of Rust - What You Are (3:32)

Coda: Departure and Arival
14. Soundtrack - I Grieve - Peter Gabriel (8:09)
15. SRC - How Soon Is Now (3:57)

Final Credits
16. Peter Gabriel - Signal To Noise (7:30)

Your soul is bound to the Second Totem, Luna:
The Wolf.

Luna appears as a pair of coral colored wolves.
She embodies empathy, nurturing, insight,
and warmth. She is associated with the
color coral, the season of spring, and the
element of wind. Her downfall is pathos.

You are most compatible with Doves and Ravens.


Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i'm afraid of what i do not know
i hate being undermined
i'm afraid i can be devil man
and i'm scared to be divine
don't mess with me my fuse is short
beneath this skin these fragments caught

when i allow it to be
there's no control over me
i have my fears
but they do not have me

walking through the undergrowth,
to the house in the woods
the deeper i go, the darker it gets
i peer through the window
knock at the door
and the monster i was
so afraid of
lies curled up on the floor
is curled up on the floor just like a baby boy

i cry until i laugh

Peter Gabriel - Darkness

The Book of Cliches

I should say something here.

This morning's Sobe Wisdom: Kemosobe

So I have allot to do today. I have specimen descriptions I need to put together, a list of requested specimens to finalize with UGA for their dog bones, about 2 inches worth of articles I need to read in the next week, not to mention the actuall work related stuff I have to do while I am here, in order to earn my keep. Goy.

I should have worked on specimen stuff last night but Civ III ate my life last night, and then Adult Swim just happend to be showing the Demons Eye ep of Trigun (Trigun - [Legato's theme, Perfect Night]) , and the Wrath of God ep of Family Guy (God [slap] Is [slap] Pissed [slap]. "We think the Griffin guy gets it, turn off the plauges"). So needless to say, nothing got done last night but several nice hours of Civ and some TV watching.

To top it off, something kept waking me up this morning, once at 8:30, once at 9:30, and then again right before my alarm went off at 11:30. So I'm a little groggy right now, and will continue to be until I get some more caffeen in me. Mmm Sobe and Red Bull. My sinuses are all swollen, so I look like I have two black eyes, and the pressure this puts on my eyelids to close doesnt help me stay awake at all. I guess my body is saying "Go to sleep you nutjob, so we can finish cleaning the crap out of your nasal passages." Will I listen? Probably not, unless it starts screaming, or makes me pass out.

I feel like I'm back in highschool in this damned class. The book is a joke, the teacher is a PhD student who, while a very nice person, is not a very good teacher, and several people in the class are disruptive, while the rest of us just are simply trying to get through the class to get out of it.
I've never fully understood why they subject students to classes like this, but I suppose it has a good logical reason behind it. I suppose this, but more than likely my supposition is incorrect. Lord help me. St. Matthew is patron saint of accountants, bankers, and bookkeepers, but I wonder if that extends to those of us who are forced to learn this information to our detrament. I'd hate to have just St. Thomas Aquinas as my only patron saint. Gah, being a philosopher has some gloomy bits attached to it.

So, where have I been? The Temple of Elemental Evil has been eating my life since I bought it Saturday. It's actually been kicking my ass, and I have yet to make it though the first set of missions without dying. And then all sorts of stuff (like building a desk, and what not) has been cropping up. I am no longer sick (I was pretty much over it as of Thursday night), but I am still sleeping more than I should be.

Yeah. It's a weird bit, honestly.

Latter additions. So the day has drug on... longer and longer Mondays seem to get. Finance doesnt help. It is far too long of a class to have manditory attendance, but I guess that really is the only way to get people to show up. Lord knows I wouldn't if I had the choice.

Sleep would be good, but I have yet to master sleeping with my eyes open. Sleep...

Probably going to play Civ for a while after this, or work on fic. Tired tired tired. I want to go home.

Sick Sick Sick Sick.
Thanks to a certian plauge rat, I am now sick, along with pretty much everyone else I'm around on a daily basis. This is a miserable sick - light headed, weak, lethargic, feel like a have a feaver but I don't (if anything I'm actually at a lower body temprature than normal). It goes away only after I have slept or eaten, and then for only an hour at the most. I've taken so much vitamin C I can feel my kidneys - or at least I hope those are my kidneys still, and not some alien creature curled up where they used to be, and now feeding off my vitals.
I've already called in sick for work tomorrow, going to sleep as much as possible before class and meetings tomorrow. Must sleep... must rest...evil plauge slowly consuming me...