Stay away from the future
Back away from the light
It's all deranged - no control

I'm waiting for the hard drive to arive. I hope it will be here tomorrow. I hope. Strange dreams last night, just as they have been for the last few nights. Disjointed reflections of reality, reflecting faces and lives I don't know. Windows onto other worlds, in a litteral sense, I suppose.
Driving home today, I saw a thin, pale man with long, straggly black hair who was dressed all in black leather, walking in the rain. On his forehead was an ash cross. I say this because my day seems to be filled with reminders that today is Ash Wednesday. Not that I am Catholic in any way, or even vaugely so, but it has come up too many times for me not to notice it.

Sit tight in your corner
Don't tell God your plans
It's all deranged
No control

I heard strange things on the radio today. First, a peice written by a catholic wearing her ash cross openly for only the second time as an adult. She spoke of how people reacted to it, how they suddenly would either open up to her or shut her out at the sight of it. One person yelled at her about it, another broke down in tears confessing that her parents were devorcing. How strange that must be. Then later, a peice about the film The Passion of Christ which opened today, and how violent it was, how focused on the suffering of Christ it was, compared to other depictions. Rightly so, I would say, but that's my opinion. To make his point, the reviewer resorted to comparing it to the only depiction he could think of that was of equal brutality - the one depicted within the film version of A Clockwork Orange. There, the narator (the protagonist, as it were) is fixated on the violence of the act, and really on the violence of the whole work of the Word.

I thought that the suffering of Christ was the point.

Every single move's uncertain
Don't tell God your plans
It's all deranged
No control

Moving on. The third thing I heard on the radio was as I was getting home. They began an hour long comentary on the Passion of St. John written by Bach. It, like the gosspil its self, contains the majority of the anti-semitic language of the new testement. As such, many of the modern performances of it have been prefaced with apologies, workshops, or other such things. A great many places refuse to preform it all together because of the content. Is this right? Is it wrong? I can't really be sure how to react to it.


I should live my life on bended knee
If I can't control my destiny
No control I can't believe I've no control
It's all deranged

Lyrics - David Bowie, No Control :: Painting: Dali, Corpus Hypercubus

So as if my luck hadn't been shitty enough in the past two weeks. I'm still having problems with my new desktop - primarily kicking all the bugs out of it. But worst comes to worst... Oh yes, computers hate Me.

My laptop, dear Shingami, has been acting sick since this weekend. Problems booting, strange lag, weird slowdowns. And now, today, the boot problems became worse. Or more correctly, got to the point where CHKDSK coulnt fix the problem causing them. Great. So I order a new hard drive from Dell. That's 159 bucks right there. But that wolnt be here until Thursday at the earliest. Beyond that, I have a presentation tonight, which I cant edit for my group now thanks to the dead laptop. I have a meeting with my honnors prof tomorrow, which I wolnt be able to show him all the work I did since last week. And, worst of all, EVERYTHING I have that I use regularly is on that drive.

I am SO screwed.

-Are you tired of feeling guilty every time you see one of those Chick-Fil-A ads where the cow is trying to convince you to eat chicken instead?
-Are you tired of feeling weird every time you eat dinner with a vegetarian? Do you have to order a salad too?
-Do you fleetingly consider being a vegetarian?
We are here to help!
We believe that every red-blooded American can feel a lot less guilty about eating those bovine friends of ours if they just apologize to a cow.
We understand that not everyone has a farm nearby, so we are here to help!
If you would just read the below apology then sign your name and give a short personal message to the cow, we will print out the list of all the people on the apology and read it to a real live cow!

It's just that simple!

Quite possibly one of the best things on the internet ever. I feel allot better knowing that my apologiese will be read to a live cow one day. Very nifty.

Cunning. Through use of many of life's faculties, you've managed to suceed greatly. It may not
seem so to many, but isn't the the point most times? It's only a matter of knowing more then the others, right? I'm scared of people like you, but in the same time, admire the ability to see more then just the big picture; you see yourself in it every time. You survived the end by knowing who to knock down so you got that last spot in the bunker... nicely done.


How would you survive the end of the world?
brought to you by Quizilla

Updating, sort of. Nothing really going on.

So I should have posted about this two days ago. I really meant to. Something this important and all... yeah, well, you know how I am about things. Or maybe you don't. Ah well.

Here is the news.

Dear Ness:

I am delighted to report that the Graduate School has accepted the Philosophy Department's recommendation to admit you to the Ph.D. program in Philosophy at UGA. You will receive a formal letter of admission from the Office of Graduate Admissions.

This arived in my In Box Monday night while I was waiting for my Finance exam to start. I nearly hyperventalated from excitement. I can't even begin to say how happy I am about this. Finally something goes right in the plans I've laid over the last year. I'm going to UGA. I'm going to be a Philosopher. I'm going to get a PhD. I'm...Oh man, its still very mind boggling to even think about it.

But yes. I'm excited. I'm going to do this. Dispite what many people have told me - I'm going to do this. Not for money, not for fame, not for anything like that. I'm doing this because I want to.

Hunger Comfort Hygiene Energy Fun Social Bladder Room Gaming

Reach for the lasers with Antic's Sims-ulator!

Cotard's syndrome
Dr. Jules Cotard (1840-1889) was a Parisian neurologist who first described the delire des negations. Cotard's syndrome or Cotard's delusion comprises any one of a series of delusions ranging from the fixed and unshakable belief that one has lost organs, blood, or body parts to believing that one has lost one's soul or is dead. In its most profound form, the delusion takes the form of a professed belief that one does not exist.

Sorry for the slew of posts - interesting stuff out there today.

I love British Academia

The odds against Hamlet
Frank Kermode, Anthony Holden, Robin Marris, Ken Follett, Linden Stafford and Daniel Marciano

Frank Kermode: Looking for problems to talk about in a lecture, I lit upon the duel at the end of Hamlet. Relaying Claudius’s challenge to Hamlet, Osric tells him that the King has “laid on twelve for nine” (in terms of “hits”) in favour of Laertes. But nobody (including Arden editor Harold Jenkins, in an extremely long note) seems to have figured out the odds. You, Tony, may be able to do so, after all those sweaty nights playing poker in Las Vegas. Quite a problem, I warn you. But you will handle it.

An interview by Sophocles Ibsen Riley

1. What single event has affected your life more than any other?
Hmm. The most influential event in my life was, unfortunately, the nervous breakdown I had two years ago. It made me realize the things which are important to me, the things I cannot live without, and the things in my life that are and were hurting me. More than anything, thouhg, it made me realize just how much in my life has been a gift, and how little I deserve any of it. I'm lucky. I can only hope I live up to the wonderful friends and love I have been fortunate enough to find. I know I am not worthy of them - I hope one day I will be.

2. Exactly where did you get the monicure of Nessus?
This is a long story. To sum it up: Starting in the summer after 7th grade, a good number of my friends started to call me that, after the character in the Larry Niven short stories and novels (Ringworld is the big one). Nessus is a Peirsons Puppetier, a two headed, three legged centaur like animal (sans the torso of the human) who happend to be an insanse, sociopathic bastard, but who everyone liked at first. Jee. It stuck. Starting in 9th grade, I switched my used name in school to Nessus, because it was getting confusting to people who only knew me by that name. It was shortened to Ness shortly there after, because allot of my teachers had trouble pronouncing it.

3. Have you ever experienced a perfect moment and if so when?
The perfect moment: walking along a beach (huntington island, sc), under the stars and a full moon, watching the falling stars and the phosphorus in the sea foam. Stoping between two palm trees, holding Erik's hand, and proposing to him. I know. Im a romantic sucker.

4. When and how did you realize Erik was "The one"?
There were many realizations of that. Some very early on - within the first three months or so we knew each other. How well we meshed together, the things he would say to support me, looking into his eyes and listening to his heart - saying to myself over and over "He's real." There were many moments like that. They still continue to happen. And I treasure each and every one of them.

5. Am I ever going to see you on purpose?
Why ruin the mystery? Seriously, I don't really do plans. Worse, I'm seriously much less social than I used to be - I simply dont want the time out and about because I dont enjoy it that much any more. My social life is on campus, all the other time is school work and Erik. You may plan to be at the same location I will be, and we can cordinate a meeting, but going out to go out is something I dont do any more.

Btw - I TRIED, I really did, to get a comments system up and running. So far - no dice.

So many of you, loyal readers, may be wondering why over the last few weeks my blog has turned into NewsFilter with the last posts. The answer is simple: I haven’t had much that I wanted to say on my blog.
Do not take this to mean that I have had nothing on my mind, far from. I simply have been hesitant to discuss certain things here, because of the diversity of readers I seem to have accumulated recently. Strange, isn’t it, that a person as open as myself is hesitant to hide things from her readers because she fears repercussions of revealing certain things which have been on her mind.
I admit, I am unusually open as a person, at least about things most people would consider to be private matters. I make no secret of my physical and mental health, excluding a few very private matters, nor do I tend to hide my feelings about and towards people. If I am pissed at you, you know it fairly quickly. If I am your friend, you know it, and are well aware of it. At least, that is how I try to deal with everyone – exactly as I want others to deal with me. No bullshit, no false fronts – just give me the real thing.
Yet now, I have things on my mind that only a handful of you know about. My empathy is returning, slowly as if someone were turning up the gain knob on my sensitivity. Along with it, my EM sense is increasing. I am starting to find florescent lights uncomfortable to be around again, as well as unshielded electrical wires. With this, I find myself wondering if other things are going to return. Those of you who know what I am talking about will know why my apprehension is so strong. Those of you who don’t – if I feel you need to know, I will tell you.
Other, more worldly things are on my mind as well. Politics at the student organization are becoming interesting again. The one who took my job has given it up. My anger, while withheld, is still quite sharp when I think about the process with we went through last year. I charged him with protecting the organization, as I had done in the position. Instead, he gives it up, in favor of other activities. That is, in my book, an act of a dishonorable man. Yet, on the other hand, I know he does not mean harm to the organization, and he is a good man, on the whole. My anger is unjustified, I know, and it stems from my bitterness towards the whole situation. But still, justified or not, the anger is still there.
Yet on the other hand, I am rather proud of my actions in dealing with a replacement. The dear boy who has been our back end developer and Director of Development (don’t you just love that title?) has been named the new Technical Director. Our Director spoke with me, pussyfooting around the question, wanting to make sure I didn’t want to try for the job. I would, were it not for the other person wanting the position. He deserves it, far more than I do. His accomplishment in the short term has done far more to further Rampway than anything else ever has since its founding. And so I bowed out, simply and straight forwardly. And I feel that was the most honorable thing to do.
This has been quite an entry, hasn’t it? Some of you are probably thinking that this is nonsensical. Some of you are probably worried, wondering how these things will affect you. Do not worry, please. This is simply me trying to get some things off of my chest, and onto the blog. And I know you all were so looking forward to a long entry like this.
Heh.

Introverted (I) 55.26% Extroverted (E) 44.74% Imaginative (N) 69.44% Realistic (S) 30.56% Intellectual (T) 52.78% Emotional (F) 47.22% Easygoing (P) 53.13% Organized (J) 46.88% Your type is: INTP You are an Architect, possible professions include - strategic planning, writer, staff development, lawyer, architect, software designer, financial analyst, college professor, photographer, logician, artist, systems analyst, neurologist, physicist, psychologist, research/development specialist, computer programmer, data base manager, chemist, biologist, investigator.

Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test

Stolen from Joe, over at Joeventures. I'm rather impressed by it. There are many on that list I have often thought of going into, and my actual desired job is there as well. I am a little off put by the Logician included there, because I tend to dispise them, but hey. I write, I do development, I have been an artist, as well as a photographer, and done programming to some level, though i am no good at it. I do tend to structure my life, but in a very external and open ended way. I would argue that I am more emotional than this test indicates, but *shrugs*. I considered getting a law degree, I considered being a programmer or systems designer or even database manager for quite some time, but the professorate is just far more interesting to me. Investigator. Hmm. Given my Google and search skills, that would be a very fun hobby to take up. Though it is kind of morbid and creapy to me, but hey.

...This Sucks Ass...
Uru Live canceled

Earlier today, GameSpot received confirmation from publisher Ubisoft that Uru Live, the online component of Uru: Ages Beyond Myst for the PC, has been canceled. The online portion of the game would have allowed players to explore the game's various areas, known as "ages," together, as well as to build virtual neighborhoods. The publisher explained that this decision was made not as the result of any technical difficulties, but rather that there were not enough projected subscribers to support the online service.

This is really upseting. The guys over at Uru did allot of work for the server side Live Myst idea. All of it for nothing. It was an awsome idea, whoes time has unfortunately yet to come. The world was beautiful, wonderful, imersive. And it was increadable to be able to work through the puzzles of the world with someone, especially with the voice chat feature. It was like being in the world. It was wonderful. I hate to see that all of this has gone down the tubes. I hope, I really hope, that they try this idea again, when there will be enough people interested in the world.

My spam is getting very very strange.

From: "Albertine Laci" xea07jdjfq@cts.com
Subject: bifurcous

Content-Type: text/plain;
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7Bit

orad vespid
bellhop stogy misbecome
laudation lindera strongly
phytolacca englishman


.... How weird is that?

I love Snopes. I love them.

Claim: A lottery winner was run over by a truck just hours after his win.

Status: True.

Origins: Those
who dream of hitting it big on the lottery usually picture themselves as living the life of Riley in the wake of the big win. They imagine themselves basking in luxury and pleasure. They don't imagine themselves meeting the fate that befell one 2004 winner.
On 22 January 2004, a man who won $73,450 in an Indiana lottery game taped for television died scant hours later when 73-year-old Carl Atwood of Elwood, Indiana, was knocked down by a truck and expired shortly thereafter in an Indianapolis hospital.

Stolen from WilWheaton.net, and vicariously Inside the Actor's Studio. As a way of Explination:
Do you ever watch Inside the Actor's Studio with James Lipton on Bravo? Sure, the quality has gone down during recent months (Jay Leno?? Wha??), but it's still really interesting to see what Tom Cruise has to say about his 'craft.' Anyway, if you watch the show you know that right before the audience gets a chance to talk to the actor, Lipton asks The Questions™. I thought it would make a cool blog entry to answer them. They're not hard questions and they're actually better if they're rushed through.

1 What is your favorite word? - Interesting

2 What is your least favorite word? - Fistula

3 What turns you on? - Puzzles

4 What turns you off? - Puzzles I can't solve

5. What sound or noise do you love? - Rain on a tin roof at night.

6. What sound or noise do you hate? - Any non metalic squeek or screach.

7. What is your favorite curse word? - Jesus, Mother Fucking Christ, on a Stick.

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? - Archetecht

9. What profession other than yours would absolutely not like to attempt? - Doctor

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the gates? - "Good, you got it right, finally. Welcome back."

Jon Blake Cusack 2.0

A proud US father and self-confessed engineering "geek" has named his son after a computer software term. Jon Blake Cusack, from Holland, Michigan, told local newspapers the US practice of adding "Junior" or "II" after a boy's name was too common. So, when his son was born last week, he decided on the name Jon Blake Cusack 2.0, as if he were a software upgrade.

This makes me happy.

The Nit Picker's Guide to the Lord of the Rings - The following is a lengthy list of deviations to be found when comparing the text of The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien and the translation of those texts to film as undertaken by Peter Jackson, et.al.

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide