I know so many of you who read this feel the threads of the future. So many of us now feel the approaching changes that are coming - the sense is so strong even the near blind feel it as if it were the light of the sun going nova.

I know something great is coming, something terrible in its form, but wonderful in its implications. But with all of this, I know something else, too.

My own personal apocalypse is coming. So much sooner than I had wished - though in truth I wished it would never come. And for this, I have lost so much of my care for that other great change which is coming. I would rather live my life with who I love as best I can in what time we have left together, than concern myself with this mass change. It isnt my fate - I did what I was meant for. Now its time I live for what I was made for.

No more waiting.

We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keeps us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still greater things burned within us

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Lyrics:: VNV Nation - Beloved

So. Yeah. Still working on things.

All my free time that usually goes into blog posts has been going into either learning the new Blogger code (Wow thats allota new stuff) and playing FF or Unreal. Yeah. Gotta love my priorities.

But, on another note.

PARENTAL

ADVISORY

STRIXUS CONTAINS EXPLICIT LYRICS

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

On a side note (wow, two updates in one day), I'd like to make a proposition.

The first people against the wall when the revolution comes, in this order are:
1)Virus and Worm writers.
2)People who deface websites.
3)Idiot script kitties who dont fall into the above two categories.

And yes. I am currently battling a THIRD Sasser infection. Snarl. And for some reason these only hit me at home. So, I'm going to do everything in my power to put something up between me and the rest of the internet, even though I already have a firewall.

Update Time!

So yeah, finals are almost over. The last one is this afternoon at five. My honors thesis is offically turned in, and being signed off on. Yay! So the semester draws to a close. And, for a brief moment, I can take a breath and relax. That is, until classes start again on the 17th for Maymester.

So some reports.

One, I saw George Carlin Saturday night at the Fox. Wow. I had never dreamed I would get the chance to see him live, so when I found the tickets on sale back in Feb, I jumped on them. A $100 later, Erik and I found ourselves sitting in the first balcony, front row, house left. Wow. That was wonderful. He did a mix of new and old material, so allot of it was new to me, which I enjoyed. Some of it, the opening and closing, were so new that he was reading from notes still. I felt really honored to be in one of the first crowds to hear it. The best part of the act had to be the "Why I like mass disasters" bit, which was nifty. He also did a "Suicide Channel" routine, which was hilarious. However, I need to email him with "Dead Men Do Tell Tales" which has far better novel suicides than some of his ideas. Reality is stranger than we can imagine some time. Btw, I heartily recomend the book.

On another front, I'm working on updating allot of my site now that I have time. In particular, Blogger (my blog service) has added a TONE of new features, including (da-da-ta-da!) comments and a RSS feed. Woot! So for those of you who have been frustrated by the lack of an ability to comment on my rantings, you'll be able to now! And those of you on live journal will be able to add my feed to your friends listings. Yay! In addition to all of this, I'll be redesigning the front page, adding allot of stuff, including absinthe mixes, and rebuilding other areas which are long neglected.

So yeah. Lots of stuff. Expect to see more stuff, and some interesting updates, sometime in the next month or so.

Ok, ok folks. Jeees.
I'm fine, dont worry so much! To everyone who expressed concern about the last post,: thank you, but I'm FINE.

Oy vey.

I suppose I was being rather unclear, in all of that. The point is: I go through this whole debate every spring. Inevitably, i choose a ballance between the two. And guess what, it works.

So umm... yeah. Those of you who got it on your own, you get a cookie.

When I find the living a bore
There's a place I go
I answer the call, go over a wall
Where the crosses are all in a row
I mind the trees, get down on my knees
There's a hole in the gate
I look around, that I won't be found
And sit down next to his grave

So its been awfully dead around here lately. I'm working on my honnors thesis, working on finals, working on working. Yeah, that's how things are. I didnt get much done this weekend, and I really dont care. I'm simultaniously very happy, and also very down. I'm not sure why.

If you squirm at the Conqueror Worm
This is no place for thee
Or if you fright at the mere site
Of the corpse of my Annabel Lee
If you fear there's something you hear
A heart beating under the floor
Still your heart, there's no need to start
It's just me having tea with Lenore

That's not really true. I know why I'm feeling this duality of self. Its that time of year, of course, when the dead of winter finally abates, and the world takes up the green, yellow, and white mantle of spring. Life is surounding me, glowing, the sap flooding into the sleeping trees so fast you can hear the rush. And now the trees are green with life again. The flowers bloom, golden and royal, white petals falling like the snow that never does here.

Sit here on the ground
Dead leaves in the trees all around you
Come enter this land
Take this book in your hand

So why does this cause this polarity of self? Its rather simple, really. In the winter I am, unquestonably, a creature of the darkness. My garb, my life, my thoughts, all of it, are driven by the night. But now, as the earth warms, so does my blood, and the cold coagulation which makes me a stalker, a ghoul, abates, and I awake. This new self, this awake form, reveles in life, revels in the joy and beauty of spring. And the glory of summer which is coming.

If you find the living a bore
There's a place you can go
Answer the call, go over the wall
Where the crosses are all in a row
Mind the trees, get down on your knees
Sneak in just like the breeze
Look around, though you won't be found
It's just you, Edgar Allen and me

Do I shed this skin of the winter, this black plumage which I have grown so comfortable in this winter? Or do I remain in it, though my blood burns to dance in the summers warmth? Do I embrace this pagan self, this happy hippy within me? If i shed this, what comes from under it will be a creature none of my associates know, except for a few. The dreamer, the joker, the creature without care, without angst.